He didn't like the feeling, wasn't used to it and given his last few years spent doggedly trying not to feel anything at all, it was a bit much to deal with. But the tear was refusing to resolve itself neatly. On the one hand was this: I can get him back. I can change things. On the other hand was this: This is so stupid.
Maybe it was both. The idea of it refused to leave him alone though, gnawing at the back of his head in the days following Tony's funeral. Bruce had already rebuilt the Quantum machine, a smaller version set up in the far reaches of the Avengers compound that hadn't been destroyed. In the aftermath of Thanos's defeat, no one was much concerned with security. Who was going to try anything? So all the gear had been left unsupervised.
It was a darkly ironic benefit that even after proving himself worthy and aiding the fight, those left still didn't pay much attention to what Thor was doing. Fair enough, he thought. What he was doing was usually drinking or sleeping. Not this time though. It made it easy for him to steal his Quantum bracelet and another to go along with it.
The first roadblock he hit was location. Thor knew exactly what day Thanos destroyed the Statesman, but not where. He fretted over this for a while before realising he could get the location easily enough. So he broke into the Milano when the Guardians weren't around and looked up the coordinates. Okay. Good.
There wasn't much time to think about this. Thor knew the machine was being prepped for Steve to go back in time and return all the Stones. He would have to move fast and get this done before then, in case they dismantled the thing again.
Gods, the stress was unbearable. He ended up downing a couple of drinks beforehand, hating himself for it but needing to blunt that edge. If he fucked this up no one would know what he had done. No one would be coming to get him. Good, fine, he tells himself half-heartedly. I don't need saving.
At midnight, he makes his move. Thor switches on the machine, entering the coordinates and the dates before stepping onto the podium. He would be gone five seconds in this time, and would have ten minutes in the past to change things. He knew what his window was. Every second of that day was burned into his brain, despite all his attempts to drown it out. He takes a heavy breath, a second, a third, then activates the suit. The helmet snaps into place before he's suddenly hurtling through the Quantum Realm, too fast to properly register just what the hell he's seeing.
--Thor slams into existence again in a dark corner of the Statesman's main hold. The smell of smoke and burning flesh assails him and he freezes immediately, feeling like his heart is going to stop.
[ this was it. his last chance. the hulk had thrown thanos back and loki had managed to pull his brother away from his grasp. he's not sure what he can do, but thor — thor cannot die here. his chest seizes up from the very thought of it. not thor, not thor. anyone but thor. but the tessaract skitters across the ground and loki chases after it into the corner only to see — ]
— Thor?
[ his voice is a reedy gasp as he stares, caught off guard. ]
[It had been idiotic to come back here by himself, Thor realises in the midst of his panic. Why did he think he could handle this? This, of all things? Because this was the event horizon, this was the moment every last inch of his sanity had started to fray and unravel. He has to remind himself to breathe even though the stench is sickening, the flames are dancing in the corners of his vision and he can hear-- he can hear--
Loki's surprised gasp cuts through it all like Clint's sword. Thor whips his head up and finds himself looking across at Loki, barely half a dozen feet away and staring at him in outright confusion. Thor knows on some how level how impossible this must look. This time's Thor is only a stone's throw away, staggering to his feet and already planning to charge Thanos. Meanwhile he was halfway to unrecognisable. Unfamiliar Quantum armor, unfamiliar bulk, wild hair. Two eyes. But Loki's still looking right at him, still knows him.
It's like being doused in ice water. Suddenly Thor moves, lunging forward and grabbing Loki by the wrist to drag him back into the furthest depths of the corner out of sight.]
Quick - quick, back here, there isn't much time!
[He's hissing under his breath, hoping against hope Loki will listen to him.]
[ loki stumbles. it's still thor, so he doesn't lash out, but he's clearly utterly baffled by this turn of events. still, even though he moves behind thor, his fingers dig into his brother's shoulders. ]
Thor, I can't stay here — What about — What about you?
[If Thor wakes up and finds out this was a fever dream borne out of foolish hopes, he's really going to be pissed off at himself. For now it's all he can do to keep his mind focused on what has to happen, instead of the fact that Loki is here, alive, and gripping him. Swallowing hard, Thor cuts a glance back over to where his other self is grabbing a piece of pipe from the wreckage. Further away, Thanos is hurling the Hulk into the ground.]
Okay -- listen. [He whips his head back around and stares Loki down, nerves screaming at him and tension making his expression tight and desperate.] You're about to die. Do you understand? He's going to kill you.
[It's a wretched thing, watching Loki's certainty. Thor's seen it before, just from a different angle. If Loki's determined to do this he worries that he might need to take Loki by force - and then, what would that do to everything? If Loki doesn't die here the way time dictates?
But no, he can't think like that. Everyone in the time heist screwed things up somehow, and the universe didn't collapse in the meantime.
Thor reaches up and grips Loki's arms, fingers tight.]
I will survive this, Loki. Whatever happens next, that's true. I don't die here. I mean-- [He sucks in a breath, shaking his head.] I wouldn't be here telling you so if that weren't true.
[ his gaze skitters back to the other thor, pinned down by metal. he didn't want to die. not like this, not here. he didn't want thor to see that. he didn't have a plan. and here, in front of him, was another thor, desperate.
finally loki nods, closing his eyes. if he kept looking, he would break and run to thanos. he knew that. ]
[Thor hadn't even realised he was holding his breath until it bursts out of him in relief. He could cry here and now, but there truly isn't time. For once his anxiety is working for him. Only-- he glances back at Thanos and the younger version of himself, getting wrapped in steel bindings by one of those foul children. Every second they stay is dangerous. Only, an idea is forming.
Whipping back around he whispers to Loki frantically.]
Your illusions - can you make them solid? If you try at it?
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the hour before the dawn.
He didn't like the feeling, wasn't used to it and given his last few years spent doggedly trying not to feel anything at all, it was a bit much to deal with. But the tear was refusing to resolve itself neatly. On the one hand was this: I can get him back. I can change things. On the other hand was this: This is so stupid.
Maybe it was both. The idea of it refused to leave him alone though, gnawing at the back of his head in the days following Tony's funeral. Bruce had already rebuilt the Quantum machine, a smaller version set up in the far reaches of the Avengers compound that hadn't been destroyed. In the aftermath of Thanos's defeat, no one was much concerned with security. Who was going to try anything? So all the gear had been left unsupervised.
It was a darkly ironic benefit that even after proving himself worthy and aiding the fight, those left still didn't pay much attention to what Thor was doing. Fair enough, he thought. What he was doing was usually drinking or sleeping. Not this time though. It made it easy for him to steal his Quantum bracelet and another to go along with it.
The first roadblock he hit was location. Thor knew exactly what day Thanos destroyed the Statesman, but not where. He fretted over this for a while before realising he could get the location easily enough. So he broke into the Milano when the Guardians weren't around and looked up the coordinates. Okay. Good.
There wasn't much time to think about this. Thor knew the machine was being prepped for Steve to go back in time and return all the Stones. He would have to move fast and get this done before then, in case they dismantled the thing again.
Gods, the stress was unbearable. He ended up downing a couple of drinks beforehand, hating himself for it but needing to blunt that edge. If he fucked this up no one would know what he had done. No one would be coming to get him. Good, fine, he tells himself half-heartedly. I don't need saving.
At midnight, he makes his move. Thor switches on the machine, entering the coordinates and the dates before stepping onto the podium. He would be gone five seconds in this time, and would have ten minutes in the past to change things. He knew what his window was. Every second of that day was burned into his brain, despite all his attempts to drown it out. He takes a heavy breath, a second, a third, then activates the suit. The helmet snaps into place before he's suddenly hurtling through the Quantum Realm, too fast to properly register just what the hell he's seeing.
--Thor slams into existence again in a dark corner of the Statesman's main hold. The smell of smoke and burning flesh assails him and he freezes immediately, feeling like his heart is going to stop.
This was so fucking stupid.]
no subject
— Thor?
[ his voice is a reedy gasp as he stares, caught off guard. ]
no subject
Loki's surprised gasp cuts through it all like Clint's sword. Thor whips his head up and finds himself looking across at Loki, barely half a dozen feet away and staring at him in outright confusion. Thor knows on some how level how impossible this must look. This time's Thor is only a stone's throw away, staggering to his feet and already planning to charge Thanos. Meanwhile he was halfway to unrecognisable. Unfamiliar Quantum armor, unfamiliar bulk, wild hair. Two eyes. But Loki's still looking right at him, still knows him.
It's like being doused in ice water. Suddenly Thor moves, lunging forward and grabbing Loki by the wrist to drag him back into the furthest depths of the corner out of sight.]
Quick - quick, back here, there isn't much time!
[He's hissing under his breath, hoping against hope Loki will listen to him.]
no subject
Thor, I can't stay here — What about — What about you?
no subject
Okay -- listen. [He whips his head back around and stares Loki down, nerves screaming at him and tension making his expression tight and desperate.] You're about to die. Do you understand? He's going to kill you.
no subject
I know that. I've always known that.
[ his nerve nearly fails him but he glances at thor, his thor ready to fight thanos. he blinks the tears from his eyes. ]
But . . . I can't. I can't.
no subject
But no, he can't think like that. Everyone in the time heist screwed things up somehow, and the universe didn't collapse in the meantime.
Thor reaches up and grips Loki's arms, fingers tight.]
I will survive this, Loki. Whatever happens next, that's true. I don't die here. I mean-- [He sucks in a breath, shaking his head.] I wouldn't be here telling you so if that weren't true.
no subject
finally loki nods, closing his eyes. if he kept looking, he would break and run to thanos. he knew that. ]
All right. I'll — I'll go with you.
no subject
Whipping back around he whispers to Loki frantically.]
Your illusions - can you make them solid? If you try at it?
no subject
I can, but for a very short time.