[Not even the least observant person in the Nine Realms would miss it. Thor tamps down on his flare of offence, because this isn't about him. He sets his fists on his hips and stares at the ground for a moment, before looking back up at his agitated brother.]
Just - look, I'm not mad. I'm trying to understand.
[ Loki stares at him, breathing heavily and shame lightly dusting his cheeks with red. His fingers clench and unclench uselessly. ]
I just thought it was time to . . . know. Know more. It's not as if we'll be getting answers, so I thought I'd try it out. And . . . maybe it'll help with knowing where I should be.
[He's about to ask what that means when he catches himself. Loki's mentioned this before, a sense of not belonging. And Thor doesn't think this is necessarily about where Loki is physically... he guesses, at least.]
No, there will be no answers beyond those we seek ourselves. [He's right there. Many of Odin's secrets likely went with him to Valhalla. And Thor's sure he knows less than Loki about any of... this.] But it wasn't working, was it?
[It's times like this, more than ever, that Thor wishes their mother was still alive. She would know how to help with this. She had taught Loki many of his skills in magic, and would probably understand workings of transformation far better than he does. But they're on their own.
He scrubs a hand over his beard, frowning as he thinks.]
Maybe it's not about forcing it. If it feels that wrong to try it that way, then it might not be something that can be harnessed.
[So to speak. His own lightning isn't something he grabs and holds down, it's more of a directed force.]
My body isn't a hammer, Thor. Magic doesn't work that way.
[ But he's listening all the same. ]
It would simply be nice to know that I had it under control. Or under what conditions it worked in so that I could avoid them. As it is with all things in our family &mdash I know very little.
Because, [He does have a point, let him get to it.] when I went to see him that first time he had at least some idea about Asgardians and magic, so he might know other things besides that.
You say you know little - I know less. And there aren't any other local magic users on Earth that I've seen.
[If there were, Thor would suggest them first. He's not all that fond of Strange himself. And whatever Wanda's talents are, he doesn't think they'll help in this circumstance.]
It's somewhere to start at least. And... [He blows out a breath, considering it.] If you need to go further to find your answers, then that's worth thinking about too.
[Otherwise Loki could twist himself up in knots over this for ages. It was random chance that Thor even found out about this - who's to say he would have ever found out otherwise?]
[ A beat, as Loki struggles to find the right words once more. He's not on edge and he doesn't seem to be skirting any terrible secrets. Talking honestly has never come easily though. ]
It's not that . . . I wish to leave. I just don't see what kind of place I have here.
[He's not surprised. Loki hasn't been certain of that for a while. Thor sits down on one of the garden ledges, rubbing a hand over his face. Hearing that Loki doesn't want to leave is comforting, at least, but Thor isn't so selfish that he'll demand his brother stay if it only makes him miserable.]
It's hard to know that when all of us are waiting for progress. For something more permanent. I hope that will change soon.
[He tilts his head slightly, looking up at Loki.]
But you'll always have a place with me, even if there's no name for it.
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shamechamber2017-12-02 05:31 pm
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I said I didn't know, Thor! It's not like I'm happy with it!
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[Not even the least observant person in the Nine Realms would miss it. Thor tamps down on his flare of offence, because this isn't about him. He sets his fists on his hips and stares at the ground for a moment, before looking back up at his agitated brother.]
Just - look, I'm not mad. I'm trying to understand.
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I just thought it was time to . . . know. Know more. It's not as if we'll be getting answers, so I thought I'd try it out. And . . . maybe it'll help with knowing where I should be.
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No, there will be no answers beyond those we seek ourselves. [He's right there. Many of Odin's secrets likely went with him to Valhalla. And Thor's sure he knows less than Loki about any of... this.] But it wasn't working, was it?
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It's like forcing yourself to have a fever. It's not natural.
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Then what should I do?
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He scrubs a hand over his beard, frowning as he thinks.]
Maybe it's not about forcing it. If it feels that wrong to try it that way, then it might not be something that can be harnessed.
[So to speak. His own lightning isn't something he grabs and holds down, it's more of a directed force.]
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[ But he's listening all the same. ]
It would simply be nice to know that I had it under control. Or under what conditions it worked in so that I could avoid them. As it is with all things in our family &mdash I know very little.
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[Just saying. When it comes to magic, he's not going to claim to be an expert. But... hm.]
...I have one idea, but you probably won't like it.
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What is it?
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You say you know little - I know less. And there aren't any other local magic users on Earth that I've seen.
[If there were, Thor would suggest them first. He's not all that fond of Strange himself. And whatever Wanda's talents are, he doesn't think they'll help in this circumstance.]
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Can I stab him if the visit is fruitless?
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[It's not a hard no, more of a "Give it a try first before jumping immediately to stab."]
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It could help. You'll just have to find out.
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The source isn't exactly reputable.
But it's better than having nothing.
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[Otherwise Loki could twist himself up in knots over this for ages. It was random chance that Thor even found out about this - who's to say he would have ever found out otherwise?]
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It's not that . . . I wish to leave. I just don't see what kind of place I have here.
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It's hard to know that when all of us are waiting for progress. For something more permanent. I hope that will change soon.
[He tilts his head slightly, looking up at Loki.]
But you'll always have a place with me, even if there's no name for it.
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Thor . . .
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